... (sigh) ...

Well, I made it. I survived the Christmas break and at 4 am on Monday morning I'm anticipating going back to work. How many people would say that if they woke from their dreams right now? I love my job! It is a wonderful place to work, fun work for me to do, and a peaceful retreat to recharge from the insanity of home. Yes, even during catalog season!

I do love my boys - all 4 of them (James, Nathan, Evan & Niles)! But it sure is a crazy (and demanding) house these days. With New Years next week, I guess I'm feeling a little reflective and a lot of anticipation for a new year. If you know me well, you know I never make resolutions (I hate them as much as goals) but I am looking forward to the next year. It will be fun to do so many things but most of all I cannot wait to be done pumping! I will miss the early morning time on the computer - really. It's a pain to get up in the middle of the night and tiring but I get so much done and do get a quiet hour most days. I love the quiet and miss it sometimes. As quiet as the hum of my pump and occasional meowing cats will allow. Still, I am SO ready to be done pumping. It has been so very hard to do this time around. The yeast infection, struggle to make enough, technical problems with pumps, being so tired I ache inside, making the world stop every three hours to pump for 45 minutes, struggling to find privacy, pumping during almost every meal, having to tell Nathan & Evan - not now I'm pumping, eating and drinking as much as I physically can and stressing over how much milk do we have today, not to mention it just plain hurts. If you know a woman who is breast feeding, give her praise and encouragement - often! She needs it. I think this is the hardest thing I have ever done because it is so long term, all consuming and I feel like I am fighting my body! With pregnancy, my body did stuff whether I was "there" or not. Most of it was out of my control. With birth the doctors were in charge, my body was numb and it went pretty quick. With this, if I lose focus for just a moment - miss suppliments, eating, drinking, sleeping or a pump time I significantly lose my milk and have to fight to get it back. All that with a hungry baby crying. AHHHH!



But Evan turned 9 months old on Sunday! Such a blessing, and it means that I only have 3 more months to do this! (That's every day, every three hours for 3 months without fail...but I've come so far and I will do it! Good thing I'm stubborn and determined.) It's hard to believe Evan is 9 months old. That time has flown by in some ways. He's such a healthy, happy active little boy with a beautiful smile and big eyes that strangers comment on constantly. He can make me crazy when he refuses to nap, spins circles in your arms and cries like his heart is breaking but I love him lots! He's so sweet and funny.



Sits up with a perfectly straight back, crawls with a purpose and determination, is very busy and one serious player, loves the TV - don't get in his way!, and smiles/laughs with his mouth with his mouth open wide - teeth sparkling brightly.

He had a really nice Christmas and handled his first really well. He was a little overwhelmed by the number of presents and I think got a little tired of opening them. But he loved the wrapping paper and ripping it to shreds. Plus he got some great toys and really made out like a bandit - a car transporter with 4 cars, a musical walker, cool rolling ball that sings the abcs and songs, squirter toys a fire truck that is yummy to chew just to mention a few toys.







Nathan had a blast this Christmas too. In his mind everything came from Santa. He loved opening all the presents and there is never enough of them for him! He has spent two days playing with the new Thomas trains and track! There were lots of cars, trucks, lizards and a cool remote control spider!







He got a fun big wheel type tricycle called a Road Monster but he's a little too small for it right now so it is not as fun as it could be. Just wait, he'll be tearing up the sidewalks this summer!



He also got a really great scooter from Grandma & Grandpa Beebe which he is already an expert at!



A much loved stuffed Meerkat is being clutched right now as he sleeps in his big boy bed



and he's had enough candy and cookies to send anyone into a sugar comma!

All in all it was a good break. We had a few mornings to sleep late, an occasional nap, lots of good food and the house is a wreck but we couldn't ask for more. Except for the family we missed seeing. I wish we could travel more! One more reason to look forward to the end of pumping (it makes any activity a logistical nightmare when you have to pump at 7, 10, 1, and 4 around the clock). And a reason to save our pennies.

Well, time to scoot back into bed for an hour of sleep before getting up for work. I'm so out of my routine after a week off that I'm not sure I'll remember everything I need to do. Hopefully Evan is back to sleep enough that James will come back to bed too. Evan's been sleeping through the night most days during the break but will still have that occasional waking for a bottle and will often do that for a few nights in a row. It will be so nice when he is sleeping like Nathan who almost never wakes and when he does goes back to sleep on his own. But we're getting there...trying to savor every moment and anticipating easier days (and nights).